On MMOs and Special Movies

I know that when I laid down this site, I promised that it would be about video games and movies. Also know that I realize that movies have been under-represented. But know this: I now have a movie topic to talk about! Fantastic, right? At any rate, charging forward, ever forward.

Last night, during the AFI's 100 best movies of the past 100 years, an ad was aired. This was no normal ad, no, no! In fact, the ad was hyped and teased at by not only the omni-present AICN, but also by the much cooler, yet smaller site, Chud. So what was the ad for? It was for a DVD of a movie. A movie that's already been released. Ok, I suck at this hype machine thing, so I'll just say it: Blade Runner: The Final Cut. I pray now that they really mean it this time when they say "Final," because I think maybe Ridley Scott has caught Lucasitis, wherein you have to release about 50 billion (with a b) editions and re-cuts of your successful films. Of course, what kind of digital host would I be if I didn't offer you a way to look at this trailer for yourself? So what's the ad tell us? Well, it looks like the whole thing has gone into some sort of LSD inspired techno post-futurist trip-hop thing. But what do I know, I think I just misapplied half of the previous terms to describe the movie... What it really boils down to is this: I've often been upset that the theatrical release of Blade Runner isn't available on DVD. If it was a cut and dried argument that the director's cut was just an enhanced version of the theatrical, that'd be easier to swallow. But from my understanding (seeing as how I don't think I've ever seen the theatrical), they're like two different damn movies. Now Mr. Scott wants to throw a third one in the mix, to truly chum up the waters, likely never re-releasing either the theatrical or the director's cut on either of the HD media. What does this mean for us? I think in a nutshell, it means that you'd damn well better like the movie the way Ridley Scott has decided it should be, not the way he made it originally. Which, up until now, I could live with, as the director's cut of Blade Runner is a fucking amazing movie. In the end, I'm praying we don't wind up arguing that "Deckard shot first" after this came out.

And now back to video games. If you know me, you know I play Everquest 2. It's not as popular of an MMO as another game which shall remain nameless, but I can't help but believe it's a superior product. My problems with MMOs have always been that I grow bored of them around the time I hit a very high level. EQ2 has a great blend of epic feeling quest lines and rewards, a house to show off your trophies (and a merchant system that encourages people to visit your virtual domicile), and a genuine sense of epic scale that other games seem to lack. According to my Xfire profile, I've logged 9 hours this week alone, which sounds better than it is, as I had other things to do Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Really, this speech isn't so much a commentary on MMOs as it is a hybrid ad/plea for help. Even now, I can feel the deep hooks of addiction calling me back to my keyboard, the beast audibly crying for my attention, much like a newborn child. Perhaps I'll spend the night trying to get my carpentry up to 36... Hmm.

The purpose of a rambling love letter to EQ2 was to set up my improptu review of a new MMO, Phylon, but I realize now that a simple segue has evolved into product placement that Sony loves to see (and certain parts of their company aren't above paying for, either). But I shall press forward! Phylon is essentially an MMO shooter set in a generic sci fi universe. What sets it apart is primarily the sense of humor they went about the whole process. Seriously, I charge anyone to read the faction descriptions from their page, they're great. What's better is, this game seems to have been made by the "little guys," trying to muscle their way in on the big guys. What they've got going against them is: They're the fucking little guys trying to go up against the big guys. I can't really emphasize enough that money going into a game tends to make the game better.

Here's how I see the problems:

1) AI acts like MMORPG AI, not shooter AI. If I'm in a shooter, I expect the enemies to be running around, making harder targets of themselves and generally testing my reflexes. These guys just charge straight at me, attacking me as soon as they get close. Perhaps that changes as you encounter harder enemies? I don't get the feeling it does, however much I'd like to hope so.

2) The UI is crappy. When you start the game, the menu to create a character is inexplicably choppy. It feels like my video card just got Parkinson's, and I can't really figure out why the in-game 3d world would run smoother than the starting menu. Also worth noting is that my CPU wasn't really taxed at any point during this menu; I think I heard some of my hertz tell the other hertz they were going on "siesta." Apparently my processor's frequency measurements are Spanish. Who knew? But if only the UI problems were limited to logging in, a sin could be forgiven! In reality, all of the interface elements have fixed positions, the only way to count a stack of an item is to mouse over it, and there's no way to inspect items/weapons/other gear to find out what the fuck it does before using it. These things do not a happy Akbar make.

3) The UI sucks part II. I got bored with that bullet point, so I decided to make a second one: The font they used for everything is nigh-illegible. I ran this game at 1280x1024 (the engine is old, it's not a super-pretty game or anything) and I {still} had some issues reading some of the player text. Inexcusable!

4) They're not that funny, on the whole. I loved reading over the site, chuckling at their many absurdities and comments, hoping for a game that would make me laugh as much as it would make me want to explore new areas. What I really got, however, was a game that lacked imagination. NPCs nearly across the board had some sort of a movie quote in their dialog. I love the occasional homage or quote, but you need to spread it out! Share the love, add some new dialog in there to keep people from thinking that you just didn't know how to be funny. Unless, of course, you don't know how to be funny. Then I can't help you, except to say that perhaps making a whimsical game shouldn't be your primary focus. Non-funny motherfucker.

5) Point 4 is compounded by what amounts to a lack of originality in other designs, as well. I mean, they have a Buster Sword in the game, for crying out loud! It looks really good, and they did a good job of making it look enough like the Buster Sword to be recognizable, but sci fi enough to fit into their universe. Taken by itself, and I would have praised them for the sly homage. Added to the rest of what they've given us, and it just aggravates the hell out of me. Besides, if they're going to give us the Buster Sword, they really need to go the whole 9 yards and give us an angsty, androgynous, he-woman who can somehow lift a sword the size of him despite being too obviously concerned with keeping his girlish good looks to go hit the gym once in a while. Because if that were a playable character, you know I'd be all over that shit.

So there you have it: My 5 reasons why Phylon isn't worth your $15. Noting that this is an MMO, and MMOs have a surprisingly malleable nature to them, I wouldn't be surprised if Rapid Reality doesn't address some of these concerns before long. Until they do, however, caveat emptor. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a few dozen virtual tables for my fake house. Ah, the tasks of being a home-owner.

--Ak out