A Good Disguise Goes a Long Way

While I was attending a summit on international espionage this weekend, cleverly disguised as a bearded programmer from the Southeast, I felt a small buzz at the base of my spine. "Crap!" I thought, "It's the RSS event transponser!" Quickly, I regained my composure; I looked to the lovely lady beside me. Certainly "her" disguise wasn't as good as mine, I could tell it was my old rival from the Soviet Bloc, Ivor Brugostovich. I knew he'd have no idea it was me under my woolly mask, so I played coy. "Pardon me ma'am," I drawled, "But could you please let me know if I miss something? I need to go visit the lil' gents room." Ivor nodded his head, the delicate locks of his brunette wig falling gracefully as he did so. I remember thinking what a fantastic woman he made... And I scuttled off to the bathroom, to tap a sequence onto the crystal of my watch, allowing a screen to light up on the inside of my glasses. "Ah!" I audibly exclaimed, as I realized what had finally drawn my attention: Someone has finally made the worlds greatest game title, and it released in Japan just this week. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Growlanser VI: Precarious World. I dare you.. no! I double dog dare you not to find that title subtly hypnotic. I don't even care what the game is about, I must own it.


Special edition versions of video games are one of those nebulous creatures: you pay a lot of extra money for developers to basically give you stuff that does little more than proclaim your undying affection for the game. As someone who bought the big collector's edition box of Warcraft III, this is something I know a little bit about. Typically, however, these extras are an extra $10 for a soundtrack or a little art book or something that seems somewhat insignificant. Leave it to Rockstar to come up with some of the coolest swag I think I've ever seen in a special edition. I've got to admit, the Halo 3 "Legendary Edition" with the cat helmet seemed cool for a while, but nothing says cool like a freaking safe deposit box complete with a R* key chain. Besides, now I can throw all of my fake passports in the safe deposit box, and my loads of cash in the duffel. These are things you'd think an international man of intrigue and action would have by now, but then again, I spent all of my money on my totally believable disguise.

I'll leave you now with a note to people who need a disguise: crazy glue does not make a good spirit gum replacement. Ow.

--Ak out