On Assassination

So this French game company, Ubisoft (you may have heard of them) decided to make a game about assassins. Not just any assassins, mind you, but assassins from back when men were men, women were women, and crusades were a perfectly normal thing to do to one another. No, not last year. Work with me here. Ubi's been pretty tight-lipped about the details of the plot, but they've been throwing eye candy at us trying to get us all excited for the release.

It's working. I generally try very hard to not get excited about games coming from new IP, because there's no real track record to know if the game is going to be amazing, or just fall flat. Sometimes, though, it's just hard not to get excited. And by excited, I mean "little puppy dog spraying his little puppy urine all over the brand new carpet" excited. Puppies are wacky like that. But enough about dogs. Dogs can't appreciate the trailer that dropped on us this week. This trailer. Inside of that trailer lies enough fanboy nourishment to keep me strong for weeks, months if I stretch it out. Part of me is saddened by the lack of gameplay presented, but I think that part got gagged and thrown in a closed by the sheer cinematic beauty of the whole thing.

Cinematic beauty is the exact opposite of what I'd say when presented with some screenshots of Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. I'm going to give some free advice to you here Nintendo, listen up: If you promise us a game at launch and then delay it by a year, please for the love of God make sure that the first screenshots you release for that game don't look like they could've come from the last game in the series. You know, the one that was on the fucking Gamecube? Nothing against the Gamecube, it had great games, the Metroid Prime games were among them. But I understand you have this new system out now? It's called the Wii, I believe? Yeah, I think we expected a bit more polish than what you've given us. If you can't give us really pretty screenshots, honestly you should've inclued at least one bullshot, or perhaps something that could be put on that youtube I hear the kids yammering on about these days. I suspect everything would look considerably less shitty if it were moving. As it stands, I've never been more saddened to have a huge crush on Samus. She's just not looking so hot these days.

--Ak out