Boob Tube, Rock, Club -- The New Jankenpo

Busy day today! So let's get down to business. The business of love. Or maybe it's just the business of like. I get confused. Onwards, to the future!

The future seems to hold some sort of PVR functionality for the PS3. For some reason, this seems more in line with something I'd expect the PS3 to do than the 360. Firstly, the PS3 seems like a bit more of an open platform, so the accessory to tune into the alien brain control waves TV signals seems like something that I'm just waiting for, as opposed to something that would be the fevered dreams of an opium-deprived aging British explorer, abandoned to his fate in the jungles of Brazil. So presuming this add-on hits the market, you also have the advantage of an easily upgradeable, industry-standard hard drive on the PS3, meaning that should I decide to pursue this feature, I could always get a chunkier hard drive in order to sate my ravenous data storage appetite. Fantastic! I guess this is the right time to remind all of my loyal readers that this is definitely something to file under the rumor category. That's right, kids, don't break Mr. Oinkoink yet! It seems like a believable rumor, though, so I guess we'll see how good I am at prognostication. Or my faith in others prognostications.

The incoming Rock Band - Guitar Hero III war may make World War III look like a brief skirmish, once all of the dust has settled. I mean, who do you side with on a fight like this? Guitar Hero III has Red Octane behind it, which means the guitars should be of good quality. Harmonix, however, really knows how to make rhythm games, as their pedigree is one of doing nothing but making rhythm games for the past however long they've been in business. Because of that, there are three real variables here: 1) How bad will Activision fuck up the Guitar Hero franchise? 2) Will the Rock Band peripherals be up to snuff? 3) Who will have the best track list? I can't answer 1 or 2 at the moment, but looking over lists to try to determine 3 makes me want to cry... Basically, both games have amazing line-ups, both of them containing tracks by Weezer, Blue Oyster Cult, Queens of the Stone Age, and Black Sabbath. I fear that this may wind up being too close to call, requiring me to own both of these games. Even now, I can hear my wallet cursing the sky, the developers, the developer's children, and even the blood that now flows through those children's veins. My wallet is kind of dramatic.

As a final note, I really wanted to give a shout-out to the Kotaku Game Club. While everyone might not agree with the idea of treating video games like books, and starting a club where everyone plays through a game "together," I love the idea. If it weren't for my bowling league coinciding with the game club discussion meetings, I would've been there for the first game. As it stands, I'll have to live vicariously through all of the other lifeless nerds on the internet. There seem to be quite a few of us. I wholly endorse the idea of looking for deeper meanings in games, though. I'm certain that if we treat this burgeoning new medium with the care and respect that we treat other media then we can actually see it move forward as a genuine outlet for artistic expression. I feel that we've already come a long way, thanks to Larry Laffer, but we must always strive to move forward! We must attempt to move beyond the artistic bar set forward by balding men trying to get lucky! I'm certain that if we, as a community of gamers, reach forward and place our faith in each other, we can create an artistic opus. I have an idea that involves steering 72 rabid mombats (half monkey, half wombat) towards a glowing phallus as they wade through waist-deep nacho cheese. It's not creepy, it's art. If anyone is interested, feel free to call my agent.

Disclaimer:
I don't have an agent.

--Ak out